After the Umrah the night before, and my disappointment with my inability to feel the "moving religious awakening" that I thought would miraculously appear, I had no idea that the next day would be one of my breaking points. Perhaps it was due to exhaustion, maybe it had even more to do with the fact that I was on day 12 of a hormone to delay the onset of my menstruation, only God knows...but I know that I was ill equipped to deal with the events of the next day. After finding a spot to pray (it was very busy at the noon prayer) in the middle of my supplications that I could not make the night before, I felt some slight fiddling around my ankles. I looked down, in the middle of "God, please give everyone clean, safe drinking water".... to find two women investigating my white galabaya, pants, and socks. I could not beleive what I was seeing, they were actually lifting it up and looking at the stitching of my pants and socks. I was so flabbergasted, I did not know what to do. How on earth could I pray about preserving and taking care of our natural resources when the people in the mosque needed some serious supplications themselves. I completely lost all train of thought and eventually they noticed me looking at them and they gave my galabaya a good tug, as though to straighten it out, and started looking forward. The mosque was really starting to fill up and I ended up praying on top of my bag that held my shoes and all the while someone else was poking my feet from behind to get me to move, as though there was any room to move. When the prayer ended, I got out and met my husband and I was in tears. I told him the whole experience was terrible and I was ready to leave and come back home to Cairo. He looked crestfallen and did not know what to say. I only wanted to get out of that area and go to my room, and NEVER leave it again until our flight. He made me stop in the grocery store (against my will) and we made some purchases. I was in such a state, I could barely contain myself waiting for him to choose which deodorant he wanted. We finally paid and he asked me to wait while he went back in to look at something else. I was so irritated, tired, and frustrated and I was just biting my tongue to not start crying. I have never felt so torn inside. The spiritual awakening I had anticipated for my Body, Soul and Mind Mission Summer 2008 was not panning out. I hated the crowd, I hated praying in a jumble of people, I hated the whole mess and now I was standing outside of a grocery store, against my will, waiting for my husband to look for a tea kettle. I wanted to go back to Cairo and sooner, rather than later. We had purchased some cold pepsi's and water and so I took one out of the bags I was holding and opened it and took a swallow. In that moment, a woman wearing a niqab came by and pointed to my Pepsi and my hand. I asked her in Arabic what happened, and she responded in English that I was drinkng out of the wrong hand, and how long had I been a muslim and I had a lot to learn! Well, that was it. I walked off, left my husband, went to the room and I swore I was never coming back out till we left for the airport. Heba, my colleague (my Umrah guide and companion, God bless her) came in with some Baskin and Robbins and we had a good laugh about people's behavior and she told me that I had to get strong, toughen up and get with the program, it was my personal Jihad (struggle) to deal with everything and I had better get my mind straight. She was right, and I was able to get my program back on track. I think that what I expected of Mecca was different from what I found, and I was disappointed....not from the place, but from what I had expected it to be.
Until next time,
A Woman of Egypt